sick days, weekends, and our new chair

Friday I took a sick day. My husband dropped our boy at daycare in the morning, so I was free to relax all day. I dragged myself to the doctor, got meds, and spent the rest of the day in bed - literally. I watched a couple of Friends episodes, had lunch in bed, and slept most of the afternoon. I think I needed it! The in-laws came round with dinner, and we just spent the evening chatting and had an early night.

On Saturday I had a visit with a nurse/midwife (who specialises in routines and feeding etc.). We have been seeing her since we started solids and I have been following her "routine" and feeding schedule since I returned to work. It has been working very well for us. At just over 7 months he now weighs 7.98kg, and has been putting on weight quite consistently the past couple of months which is great. He gained despite his recent illness.

The rest of the weekend was pretty chilled. We collected our World Cup tickets on Saturday - we are seeing a Portugal vs. Korea match.

We also collected our chair this weekend! And he loves his chair - it is actually too cute watching him! The chair (called a Sit right chair) comes with "baby attachments", and later converts into a normal chair. We opted for this instead of a "normal" baby high chair. It was more expensive, but just works out so much better as we can use it for longer. In the long run it pays off. Now we just need to find a way of getting him to sit still!

And on that note - suddenly nappy changes (and anything else that requires a still baby) has become so much more challenging! He just moves around all the time - does not sit still at all... It is cute watching him sometimes, but can be frustrating when all I want to do is get the nappy changed!
He is also sitting unsupported for the past couple of weeks - not for long periods yet, but he is getting there! He also constantly tries to pull himself up into a sitting position. Grabs at absolutely everything (and promptly put whatever he gets his hands onto into his mouth). Have I said how much I love this little man of mine!

motivated to be unmotivated

While I was pregnant the thought of my maternity leave - which was six months, seemed like an eternity.  After all, 6 months is half a year - HALF a YEAR!!  I thought that I would have time to not only spend time and see to my boy, but also for all these other things.  In fact, I thought it would be that long that I would actually get bored...

But it wasn't.  In fact, when I returned to work it took only a few days to feel as though I was never away.  And while so much remained exactly the same, I have realised that just as much has changed.  I work in a fast changing industry, so what was relevant before I started my leave no longer is.  And to be honest, during my leave I did not keep myself that much abreast with the news in the industry.  Our company, like many other large organisations restructure often.  During my leave our department/division has remained in it's directorate, we still have the same director, but the way in which work is done has changed so much.  So after my meeting now I feel very motivated to be unmotivated. 

A weekend or two ago I actually contemplated leaving - well, the "idea" of it anyway.  And to be honest if we could afford that right now I would be thinking about it more seriously.  Not so much to be home with my son, but to be doing something different.  I love what I do - or I did, I still do, but I just feel that things have changed so much, and I am not sure it is what I "like".  And so I can go on rambling....

Is it because of the life changing event??  I think it has a lot to do with how I am feeling at the moment.  having a child really does change a lot - the way you look at EVERYTHING.  More than I expected - I am sure I have said this before though...

So - if I were more "crafty", entrepreneurial, or something....  Now that would have been nice.  But I guess in that respect it is just finding "me", right?

So am I happy?  I am, and I am still okay with coming to this job every day.  But I feel like something is missing.  I no longer feel the loyalty I used to feel.  But for now this is it...

sick day

I took my boy to the doctor yesterday after a night of coughing.  turn out the poor dear has tonsillitis and a middle ear infection.  to clear his nose I was given a nasal spray, and for his ears ear drops.  And it has been such a pain trying to get these things in properly!  the first round (well the first nostril and first ear of the first round) went okay, but now the minute he sees it he starts wriggling around and crying.  Poor baby - it cannot be very nice.  I hate nasal sprays, and I am sure drops in your ears aren't that great either!  So the tonsillitis should clear-I hope soon.  I think last night was a little better - but it included a full dose of paracetamol before bed, so that probably helped.

So I am at work, with my boy at the daycare - I think today I will only be here in body.  They will call should he run a temperature or loose his appetite (which would likely mean that the tonsillitis is getting worse).

I am still amazed at how much "things" and life changes once you have a baby.  I knew it would, but did not realise to what extent.  We never really had loads and loads of friends.  My husband's closest friend also had a baby recently, so I guess that friendship will continue the way it has (although at the moment it seems he and I are having a little issue..).  One of my friends does not have any kids and won't be having any - and I am still amazed at how much things have changed.  (although to be honest, sometimes I think I have done something, but not sure what...).  My closest friend (who lives very very far away and I only see every couple of years) also mentioned that now that she has a baby she mainly hangs out with other moms.  I guess that is to be expected - nobody else wants to hear about poop and spit up ;) - although that's not all we talks about.... really.

how could I forget my purse?

This week holds the promise of no rain, which will make coming to work a little easier...


But I was off to a bad start this morning - got to work, unpacked my bag, and NO WALLET! On the morning I did not pack lunch or have breakfast. So here I sit, in an empty office, wondering what time my friend will be in so I can bum some cash off him. And as luck will have it I am probably going to be starving in the next few minutes - and not many people come to work at this ungodly hour...

But, I will not let that ruin my week (I am sure there will be other things that will do it ;)).

I met up with some girls for a movie and lunch on Saturday. It was nice to get out for a bit and do something different, but part of me felt I would have had more fun with my boy - no offense meant to the girls I met with though! It was a bit weird meeting with girls from an infertility forum where most of them had not yet had a baby. On the forum I found that once you have crossed that line you are automatically "graduated" to another group. It is strange (to me) that you can make connections while trying to fall pregnant, but you could possibly loose these entirely once you actually fall pregnant and have a baby. I guess I can understand why this happens, but I never really became, let’s just put it,. "like that". The girls I met with were quite nice though, and there did not seem to be any feelings of animosity.

Well, let the week begin...

it's friday!

But I guess it does not really count for me today, as I am home.  I have just put my boy down for his nap, so wanted to catch up on mails, and do a little bit of work.  It stormed last night, and quite cold this morning.  I have a slight blocked nose (nothing to keep me home really, to be honest it isn't much at all...), and my boy was still a bit congested last night and coughed quite a bit during the night.  So I decided to stay home - maybe try getting some work done in between.

Some girls invited me to the movies tomorrow.  I have not been in ages!  These are some girls I met on a fertility forum.  Sadly not all of them have babies yet.  I have only met one of them in person - and she is now 8 weeks pregnant - yipeee!  So excited for her.  This is her first pregnancy.  Her husband had a vasectomy reversal which unfortunately was not successful.   But they have managed to do TESA (I don't know much about this at all...), and have gotten their BFP (fertility talk for pregnant - big fat positive) from their second fresh IVF with ICSI.  Another's husband is currently on meds, and another is pursuing adoption.  I have not been to the movies in a looooooong time.  And I think it is going to be fun meeting up with some girls for movies and lunch.

But mt immediate plan is to stay in my pajamas all day.

the weather

I love winter - everything about it. I love gloves, scarves, and boots. I love nice comfort food you generally have in winter (but not the soup....). I love sitting indoors while it is cold and rainy outside, watching movies or reading a good book. But I don't like having to get out of bed early and leave home in it! The weather has changed - suddenly and drastically. Just a short few weeks ago it was so hot. I am relieved, but the change coincided with my return to work, which really sucked!

Unfortunately I think this change has made my boy a little congested, which is probably adding to our night time wake ups... Last night he also coughed a bit more (a dry cough). I hope it does not get any worse. Last night at his bath I also noticed a bit of a rash - so the symptoms could also possibly be related to a measles vaccine we did just over a week ago. Not sure, as the nurse told me that if he has any reaction it would come about 5 days later (and would include the runny nose and rash on chest). The rash only came yesterday (chest and tummy) - which is 10 days later... So now I just hope that it is not "real" measles (apparently at 6 months the vaccine is about 65% effective) as we are having a bit of a problem with that over here at the moment.

balancing life

It has been only a week and a half since my return to work, and already I have loads of respect for women around the world who do this.  Recently I read a comment on Facebook by someone (not actually in my friends list..) that it p!ss3s her off when people imply that stay at home moms don't do much, and that she believes it is the hardest job - being 24/7 with no holidays etc.  After 6 months at home with my boy I can agree with this statement.  She however did open a can of worms with her comment, because everyone's situation is different.  Not everyone can afford to stay at home.  And then - do moms who have to work have it harder?

I don't know - and I will stick to saying that everyone's situation is very different.  Unfortunately for me our situation does not allow for me to stay at home.  I am not even sure if that is what I would want, but I think that I would have liked to maybe still stay home with him until the end of this year.  Daycare/crèche etc. also has advantages.  Anyway, I have digressed from what I actually wanted to say....

In the week and a half I realised that it is going to be hard.  On top of work I had registered at University to complete my masters - I still have a thesis to complete (my masters included some coursework - which I have completed), and an exam I was not able to write last year due to my early delivery.  At the start of the year I thought that I may be able to make time for this, however I have realised that this is not the case.  I guess I can make time, but it would be at the expense of something - most likely time with my boy (which I am not willing to give up just yet), and would make it even less likely that I would have any time to myself.  After a lot of internal "conflict" I have decided to cancel this year.  What made it a little more difficult was that I had applied to my work to pay for the course - which they have for two years.  And not completing will have some financial implications to me - and this was a bit scary (and still is).  I really need to give that policy and documents a good read-through now to see what it means.  But for now I feel as though a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulder!  It has really been bothering me and stressing me out during the week hours of the mornings....  I have started the admin process, and now need to still contact the university to do the cancellation there.

I knew that life would change once I had my boy.  Everything changes, most importantly priorities.  Things that were once important no longer seem to be.  Life has changed - but this is by far the most exciting challenge.  I cannot imagine life without my boy - I'm not really sure how I got this far without him!