remembering

This past week I have been remembering and thinking a lot about the past year, and also about last year this time.  I cannot actually believe how vivid some of my memories of last year are, and I hope that they will remain so.

Last year, on this Friday, our team was having a team build day.  we are a small permanent team, with a few people based in our offices in Joburg.  They would all arrive that morning for a day of - wine and chocolate tasting and cellar tour, lunch on a wine farm, painting in the afternoon, and a show and dinner in the evening.

I was also 33 weeks pregnant.  Starting to get really excited and looking forward to the birth of my son, and the start of my maternity leave - I could no longer make it through the day!  I had had a pretty uneventful pregnancy up until then.  Besides the constant battle to keep my blood glucose numbers as normal as possible I did not have much else going on.  Or so I thought.  (I don't count anterior placenta or RH negative blood)  But I had also experienced bad headaches (I want to say severe, but I never complained, so lets leave it at bad....), disturbed vision (I know, this should have been some sort of sign that something was not right, but I put the flashing lights to possibly having blood glucose drops or something.  they were always accompanied by a headache too).  My blood glucose levels had been pretty steady throughout - with just a slight increase in insulin during the second trimester, and then my needs stayed pretty stable (yet another sign...)  But this morning I woke swollen (I had had minimal swelling up till then) - my shoes would not fit.  It was slightly painful walking.  But, pregnant women swell up, don't they.  So off to work I went.  By then my PE must have been pretty bad already.  I had had an OBGYN appointment about 1.5/2 weeks before and all was normal.  No protein at all, and BP was within the normal range.  In that 2 weeks I had to visit the dentist twice to have a filling that fell out put back in - apparently my gums were quite swollen (most likely due to the pregnancy, but in hindsight, this was also probably something to do with PE).  I now think of this day as the day the PE "won".

I had no idea that in just a short few days I would be meeting my son.  I continued to work on the Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday - the day he came, after a scheduled OBGYN appointment where my protein levels were found to be sky high, and the blood pressure was more than 200 over 134.

1 year, I cannot believe it...

the week that's been

We have had an interesting week to say the least.  I got a call one day last week that C was running a fever, so off home it was for me with sick baby.  He seemed much better a couple of hours later, just a bit clingy.  But then at about 16:00/30 his fever hit forty.  Our paed was on vacation, so it was either finding a GP or the ER.  We opted for N's uncle again...  I had also then just noticed that he had some discharge from his one eye, which was also slightly red.  Conjunctivitis (other eye followed when we were at pharmacy collecting his meds) and another ear infection.  Breaks my heart when my darling is in pain...

Work has been busy, but (since this morning) it is good busy.  I have removed myself from a project I had become involved in.  It was just going to take up way too much time, and I was concerned that eventually it would become a bit too much - our department is really small, and at times we get really tight deadlines.

I have been shopping for a birthday present, and have seen a few things I like.  Hopefully this weekend I will get that all done!

Healthy, but with some changes

So my endo appointment went well.  HbA1c has not budged - well not much anyway.  Sitting comfortably at 6.2% (6.1% last time round), which I am extremely happy with.  My aim is to try staying on the lower side of the 6s.  Anything lower will not be realistic for me.  All other tests came back normal.  So at the moment I am tired and healthy I guess.

Changes are to be made over the next month or so.  I am going to once again attempt basal testing - although I have actually effectively done this already.  The plan now is to get those basals done, and then add Metformin (the extended release one) to the mix.  Make adjustments from there and see how things go.

And then I want to start some other lifestyle changes.  It is going to be slow, but I need to make a few.  Probably start off with packing lunch every day to avoid unhealthy lunches during the week.  Try making more time for cooking to avoid more unhealthy eating that way...  And then I need to add some sort of exercise.

I have decided to give the exam a miss.  It was a difficult decision to make, but I am feeling quite relieved with it off my shoulders.  The plan now is to postpone registering for my thesis next year to the following too.  Kaitake - I am registered for a Masters in Futures Studies (MPhil Futures Studies).  I have completed most of the degree already as there is a lot of coursework involved.  Outstanding now is the exam and my thesis.

Marcia, I need to look at how I am spending my time.  I have to admit though that I probably did not expect a baby to take up that much time...

Another Joburg trip is on the cards.  Another 3 nights away from home.  I am, again, not sure how I feel about this.  This is mainly because of my feelings about the project, and some reservations regarding being on it.  But that is a whole other story...

dreaded testing, bad bad CGMS, and weekend thoughts

So today I will go for the dreaded HbA1c - and I can honestly say I am not looking forward to it.  I am also not looking forward to the appointment where I need to discuss what has been happening with my numbers these past few months, how (when I am really honest with myself) I have been struggling to keep it all together, and how I am probably not eating the way I should be.  I can find a lot of things to blame, mostly the lack of time, but to be honest I have to start prioritising and making lists or something.  this weekend I had some real wonky numbers - nothing too bad, just strange peaking etc (watching the CGMS...).  I also realised late last week that the CGM, although a very useful tool, can be a little "too much".  As in too much information all of the time.  While I enjoy being able to have that close a look at my numbers, and having the opportunity to fix mistakes and really see and learn patterns, I became way too over eager to correct high blood sugars (or what I thought was leading up to very high numbers), causing a rebound low soon afterward.  I actually turned the sensor off for a few hours over the weekend after nearly a day of constant blood sugar yo-yoing...

The weekend was over way too quick.  I so much enjoy spending the time with my husband and son.  We had a picnic yesterday, but cut it a bit short when the weather turned a bit cold.  We have just a few weeks before the birthday too!  We have decided we may go away for the weekend.  No final plans yet.

I am battling a bit with a decision / non-decision at the moment.  I am registered to write an exam this year - I missed it last year due to the early arrival of C.  I thought that coping with just the exam this year would be fine - I cancelled my registration for the thesis earlier during the year.  But now that the date is arriving faster than I could ever have imagined I am starting to stress - way too much.  I know that I am the only one to blame for my lack of commitment - because that is really what it has been this year.  I keep blaming the fact that I have no time for anything, but as I mentioned before I really need to start working on that.  So now I am sitting here, contemplating just not writing it - because what is the point in wasting the next 4 weeks trying to study, when I know that it is probably not nearly enough time to manage it all.  I have been having a lot of internal battles about the course.  At times now getting really angry and frustrated (at myself) for even registering for the damn thing in the first place.  I HATE feeling this way.  Probably not helping with all the blood sugars struggles either!